10. You’ve got a hole in your head.

9. Your master strangles you all the time.

8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body.

7. You shrink in cold water.

6. You never get a haircut.

5. You always hang around with 2 nuts.

4. Your closest neighbor is an asshole.

3. Your best friend is a pussy.

2. Your scalp gets cut off if you’re Jewish.

And the number one reason why it sucks to be a dick:

1. Every time you get excited, you throw up.

A: He got a stiff neck

“No, not worth it!”

“OK, how about 50 Egyptian pounds?”

“No, not worth it!”

“OK, 20?”

“No, not worth it!”

“How about 10?”

“No, not worth it!”

“Listen, these pills cost US $10 each. How can you say they are not worth it?”

“Oh, the pills ARE worth it. My wife is not worth it.”

‘Listen, I have three girls coming over tonight. I’ve never had three girls at once and I need something to keep me horny… keep me potent.’

The chemist reaches under the counter, unlocks the bottom drawer and takes out a small cardboard box marked with the label Viagra Extra Strength and says,
‘If you take this, you’ll go mental for 12 hours.’

Very happy and excited, the man says, ‘Gimme three boxes.’

The next day the man walks into the same chemist’s shop, right up to the same chemist and pulls down his pants. The chemist looks in horror as he notices the man’s cock is swollen, black and blue, and the skin is hanging off in some places.

The man says, ‘Gimme a tube of Deep Heat.’

The chemist replies, ‘Deep Heat? You’re not going to put Deep Heat on that are you?’

The man says, ‘No, it’s for my arms. The girls didn’t show up.’

Pharmacist: Yes.

Woman: Can I get it over the counter?

Pharmacist: If you give me one of them, you can!

The funeral director can’t get the coffin lid nailed on and has to discuss the alternatives with the man’s beautiful young widow. “I’m afraid that the only way to get the lid on is either to pay another $3,000 for an extra large coffin or to amputate his member.”

“Well I have no more money,” states the widow, “and it is against my religion for me to bury my husband in more than one piece.”

The funeral director thinks about this and then comes up with a brain-wave: He’ll amputate the member and then stick it up the deceased’s backside, in which case a more expensive coffin is unnecessary and the husband will still be, in a manner of speaking, in the one piece. The widow reluctantly
agrees.

On the day of the funeral, the deceased is displayed in an open casket. As the mourners file by, one mourner places flowers on the coffin and a drop of water from the flowers falls onto the deceased’s face, looking for all the world like a teardrop. The next mourner to file by is the widow. She looks down at her lifeless husband, notices the “teardrop” and says to him
quietly, “See, I told you it hurts!”

Niagara Falls!