You would struggle over the time it takes someone you like to crack your top 8.

19 year old boys wouldn’t own shirts and 19 year old girls would not own pants.

If you’re a fat girl, people would only see you from the shoulders up.

People would be able to photoshop out pimples on their face.

Girls would always be posing, cheeks sucked in and lips puckered two feet off their face.

Your attraction to someone would be based on their favorite clothing label, their favorite band, and a survey.

All females are bi and all males drive import muscle cars.

Most people would walk around with a full size mirror 2 feet in front of them.

Your driver’s license would have hearts around your name or quote from an emo song.

The phrases “Yo,” “your hawt,” or “hit me back some time” would attract the opposite sex.

Bands with 3 song demos could book stadium tours.

Lesbian women would not allow anyone with a penis within 50 yards of them, not even to deliver a pizza.

It would be perfectly acceptable to blurt out any random filthy perverse sexual thought at any random woman/man you thought was “hawt” as a first greeting.

It would be no more unusual to see a man walking around displaying his erect, naked penis than it would be to see random women running around in a g-string w/nothing covering their breasts but their hands.

You would look your very best at all times.

Some people would be holding their right arm out straight in front of them at all times.

Everyone would make $100,000 a year or higher.

There would be alot of underage strippers in the world

There would be a lot of youthful looking 99 year olds.

Blogs would be required reading and any random thought in your head would be shared with everyone.

Everywhere you would walk, an image of Angelina Jolie would be behind you.

Forbidden would actually be hot.

You’d have a friend named Tom creepily following you around giving you bad news constantly.

It wouldn’t be odd to have Brad Pitt in your circle of friends.

Hello Kitty would be a real person.

Conversations would sound like this “How are you?” Sent. “Good, how are you?” Replied.

During a long conversation you’d have to say “Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: all right, well call me later.”

When it was time for bed you would say you’re “Undergoing Maintenance.”

You would have to paint your walls using Thomas Myspace Editor codes in your apartment.

Stewie from Family Guy would be your best friend.

In your circle of friends you would hang out with Scottsdale bars and clothing lines.

When someone said something funny, you’d actually roll around on the floor and laugh your fucking ass off.

“Friend Whoring” is equal to STD’s.

“Fuckin MySpace!” is the only universally known term in any language to show anger.

At nights when you are asleep you would get people running in your room that you don’t know saying. “It’s 4 a.m., I can’t sleep, someone talk to me.”

Bands go to your house and ask you to give them a listen because they see that you like a band they sound nothing like.

Anytime you walk into someones house they have the same video or song playing all the time, non-stop for three months straight.

People would run up to you, tell you a random message, and you’d have 17 minutes and 13 seconds to pass it along before a ghost came to your house and raped your dog.

People would inexplicably be stuck in their homes for hours unable to communicate with the out side world because some asshole put up a large white wall in front of every door and window with a note attached saying Sorry but an unexpected error has occurred or this house is undergoing special maintnance.

10. You’ve got a hole in your head.

9. Your master strangles you all the time.

8. Your head is disproportionate to the rest of your body.

7. You shrink in cold water.

6. You never get a haircut.

5. You always hang around with 2 nuts.

4. Your closest neighbor is an asshole.

3. Your best friend is a pussy.

2. Your scalp gets cut off if you’re Jewish.

And the number one reason why it sucks to be a dick:

1. Every time you get excited, you throw up.

A: He got a stiff neck

Wincing in pain as even a slight wind touches his scorched skin, the man hobbles off to the local doctor for help.

The doctor takes one look at the man’s legs and says, “I don’t have anything to treat sunburn that bad. Try taking these Viagra pills.”

“I’ve got sunburn!” cries the man. “What the hell’s Viagra going to do?”

“Well, nothing for the sunburn,” the doctor replies. “But it will help keep the sheets off your legs tonight.”

For example, the trade name of Tylenol is acetaminophen. Aleve is known anaproxen, Amoxil is amoxicillin, and Advil is ibuprofen.

The FDA has been looking for a generic name for Viagra.

After consideration by a team of government experts, it recently announced it has settled on the generic name of “mycoxafloppin”.

Also considered were mycoxafailin, mydixadrupin, mydixarizin, mydixadud, dixafix and, of course ibepokin.

“Oh, that’s not a problem for us men anymore!” announces a proud physician, “They just came out with this new wonder drug, Viagra, that does the trick! You take some pills, and your problems are history.”

So the doctor gives the man a prescription and sends him on his merry way.

A couple of months later, the doctor runs into his patient on the street.

“Doctor, Doctor!” exclaims the man excitedly, “I’ve got to thank you! This drug is a miracle! It’s wonderful!”

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” says the pleased physician. “What does your wife think about it?”

“Wife?” asks the man, “I haven’t been home yet.”

DIRECTRA — a dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA — Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting a new one.

CHILDAGRA — Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks — especially cleaning up spills and “little” accidents.

COMPLIMENTRA — In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA — Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after taking this drug for only two days. Still to be ascertained: Whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite store’s return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA — Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA — This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

FLATULAGRA — This complex drug converts men’s noxious intestinal gases back into food solids. Special bonus: Dosage can be doubled for long car rides.

FLYAGRA — This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA — About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent overdose turned three test subjects into “special prosecutors.”

LIAGRA — This drug causes men to be less than truthful when being asked about their sexual affairs. Will be available in Regular, Grand Jury and Presidential Strength versions.